Rules according to the dog:
If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it's broken, it's yours.
Licking: Always take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
Holes: Rather than digging a big hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. Arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole; they'll think its gophers.
Doors: The area directly in front of the door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
The Art of Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed everywhere. It is your job to accommodate them.
Dining Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
Housebreaking: Housebreaking is important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
Going for Walks: Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
Couches: It is permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
Playing: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick; aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
Chasing Cats: When chasing cats, make sure you never quite catch them. It spoils all the fun.
Chewing: Make a contribution to the fashion industry.....eat a shoe.
4 comments:
I've heard that first part as describing a two year old...but the rest of the dog guidelines are hilarious!!!
Yeah! Dogs rule(and drool)! Great stuff. I pointed out to MomW that Putza enjoys his own spot on the chair (since Oscar has recently taken to the family room couch). She was not impressed - guess Sicilian rules don't apply here. But Ethan and dog are just so photogenic! Sometimes, though, the look in the dog's eyes make me think he might just rip a stranger's face off!
*lol* To my knowledge Butch does NOT get on our furniture... HE better not, anyway. ;)
Yeah, I guess the recliner has turned into the man/dog chair. Although E would like you all to know that the lay-z-boy is the only piece of furniture that the dog is allowed on.
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